The Woman at the Well: BF's & Remarriages in the Bible?

By Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

This is the first entry on BFW about blended families and remarriages in the Bible. My hope is that we all could see that blended families and remarriages have existed and scripture identifies with everyone and provides a restorative and redemptive message for all.

Early in the Gospel of John (chapter 4) there is this wonderful story when Jesus meets this woman who has been married five times and currently living with a man. No reason is given as to why she has been married so many times. It could be divorce, it could be that she is a widow, or some combination. The passage doesn't even say if she had kids. All we know is that Jesus went out of his way to meet her.

Essentially the story goes like this:

Jesus and his disciples had been walking for a long time while traveling to a place called Galilee. They stopped to rest near a well close to the town of Sychar and Jesus asked this Samaritan woman to get him a drink from the well. While she starts to get him the water, Jesus said to her, "if you knew who I was, you would be asking me for water".  She responds with an inquisitive "huh?" and He says, "yeah, that's right and I would give you living water and you would not thirst again." Of course at this point she might be thinking this man has gone a little too long without water under the hot sun but then Jesus basically says, "that's right, I know you are thirsty because you have been married five times and are now living with a sixth man."

Her jaw drops in wonder of how He could know her so well! She then hurries home to tell her man and the whole town about Jesus and many come to see him. Jesus stayed with them all for two days and they said, "now we know...this man is the Savior of the world". 

Think about this-

• Jesus didn't judge her because of her past string of losses or failures. He instead offered to her what would only quench the deepest longings in her life-Himself. He knew her so perfectly that no one else could do that for her.

• Jesus knew that her attempts to find security and love had failed her. It wasn't for a lack of trying. Jesus didn't even say it was because of sin or bad judgment or bad luck or bad karma or that she was bad. He simply reassured her that she can be whole and full in Him (living water).

• When people are on their second or third marriage and still stinging from previous losses, it is not uncommon that they feel shame. Jesus knows us perfectly, takes us perfectly and fills us perfectly. 

In your marriage, you might, out of your thirst put demands on your spouse but most likely he or she will not have completely what it takes to quench your needs. When you put your faith in God to do this, it takes a great deal of pressure off either of you to provide what you don't have. You will have more energy to accept each other where you both are at.

When this begins to happen, it will be the best environment for blending. Defenses won't need to be so high. You will approach each other from a sense of fullness not neediness.

We all know the worst time to shop for groceries is when we are hungry because we are apt to grab anything that implies satisfaction. After one of these shopping sprees, we rarely feel full-only uncomfortably stuffed and disappointed.

If you put your trust and your life in the hands of Christ, He will give you that thirst-quenching living water. This is where relationships truly can thrive and connect thirst free.